Some days we wake up thinking about it: that doubt, fear, guilt, or insecurity that we went to bed with. Sometimes all we can do is find ourselves in the bathroom, tearing up after listening to a sad song, and patting our hearts while saying "This is heavy." That was me a few days ago, anyway. The weight can be nothing less than a burden, and we are in desperation as our hopes seem to be spent and exhausted.
By the time that we are young adults, most of us humans have established how hard life can be some times. Things are indeed not always simple, even when it seems like God would grant us our "simple" and "perfect" plans for our futures. Wouldn't that save us so much pain? Within our finite minds, we think that we know what's best -- but I encourage you to rest in this: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--" (1 Cor. 2:9).
All that we are promised is that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him -- and scripture says that we love Him when we obey His word. We are not promised a simple life. I came upon this highlighted verse in my old Bible today that expresses this concept well: "Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds."
It's seems like that's what I've been doing a lot of lately: losing heart and fainting in my mind -- or at least being on the road to that fate. However, the only approach is to pray through it, pour it out to God, and get in His Word. His truths only come to life when we open His book, and they become a personal and intimate reality within our souls. I have realized the importance of community lately and how toxic it is to isolate oneself. The two greatest commands are to love God and love others, and we can not actively love and be loved if we are always in the quarantine of "aloneness." As pastor Kevin Butcher told me recently, we have to feel God's love for us, and a beautiful way to do that is by surrounding ourselves with our fellow creations. We need to have brothers and sisters in Christ that we can be vulnerable with and take off our masks alongside, so that we can confess and be healed and loved just as we are. Meditating in silence with our Lord is essential as well, as it refocuses our perspective and reminds us that we are deliberate beings. We are not created to go through the motions like robots. We are created to be intentional and yet surrendered to our Heavenly Father, Who is the only One that is ultimately in control. Channeling our passions during times of great distress is another way to calm and mend the spirit. We are given interests and particular gifts for a reason. I find that writing is a form of therapy for my internal system.
Lastly, when I found myself crying in the bathroom the other day, I was reminded of a note that I had in my room for quite some time: Why am I so concerned with how I feel?
At the end of the day, I know that I have Kingdom work to do. I am just a pilgrim passing through this life. Don't get me wrong, it is essential that we address our weaknesses so that we may get the help and guidance that we need. Ultimately though, I know that this life is not about me and that the true posture of my being should be one of surrender to the God who is the ultimate healer and the One Who gives and takes away. Maybe I can take the very thing I am needing and give it to another. Maybe I can minister amidst my hardships and take the focus off of myself.
What is heavy for you today? Can you take it to the Father and hunger after His Word? In my hardest times of wrestling with doubt, it just makes me want to be all the more nearer to the Creator -- my only hope. Yes, may we always remember His trials in comparison with our own on His road to the cross. He knows our pain.
Focus of the day: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (Phil. 4:8-9).
Song to listen to: Lauren Alaina "On the Other Side"
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